when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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