I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
