: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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