I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
