I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
