My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize