dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
