Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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