there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
