There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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