my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
