oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
