well I can't set my house on fire every night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
