we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
