I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
