I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
