Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
