I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
