Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
