chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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