worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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