I just cut my nipple shaving
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My liver just had a heart attack.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
