what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
