Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
