im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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