i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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