Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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