so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
