Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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