HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jerry, you need to find god
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
