Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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