Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
