I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
