I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
