Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
