he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
