just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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