I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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