what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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