Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
