Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I sprained my soul last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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