i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
