i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
