I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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