i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
