you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
