Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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