Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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