No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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