god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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