worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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