i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
