i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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