we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
