It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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