So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
