Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
