She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
