i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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