He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
