Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
