If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
