Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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