i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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