you would pick up someone in the library
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize