would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
