i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
