That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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